it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
nutella sex= disaster
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
