Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
