If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
