His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
