I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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