people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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