hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
