WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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