I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
