3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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