Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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