Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
