he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
