does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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