At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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