I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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