In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
