This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
