I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
