party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
