i think i have herpe
just one?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
