I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
