I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
