She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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