Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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