Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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