she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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