is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
