if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
