Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
