This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
