You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
