textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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