i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
