I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
