my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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