??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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