you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and she was petting her beer can
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
