Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
