she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
