After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
