we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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