Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
