help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
