the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
