I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
