Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
