Someone shit on the floor
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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