I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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