do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
